Her David, Marie's Jason
by DizzyDawn007
Summary: drabbleish shots of Nicky's thoughts during her encounters with Jason in Ultimatum.  NickyJason history and hints of future.
1. Chapter 1

**So, this is my first _Bourne_ fic, and I had great fun writing it. I've kinda always been a fan of Jason/Nicky (even though I loved Marie) so _Ultimatum_ really opened up a lot of doors for me. Please forgive any grammatical mistakes, and I hope you like it. Constructive criticism is always welcome, as well as any other comments you might want to make. Oh, and of course, Jason Bourne (and all that the name entails) does not belong to me.**

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Her David, Marie's Jason

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How was it, that she always ended up in these situations? Always with him, too. How? Why? Does God hate her? She doesn't know. And she is tired of asking.

He stands there, pointing a gun at her. David. Her David. Only, not anymore. This man, he wasn't really David. He was trying to go back, but you can't go back. You can only go forward. So no, this man isn't her David – this man is Marie's Jason. And that's that, she tells herself.

And then the phone rings, and the air changes. Will he have her answer? A second later, she knows what she's going to do. Already, she knows she will change her life – again – for him. For a man that isn't even hers anymore.

She speaks. Tells them everything is okay, even though that's not the answer they would've expected her to relay, had they known the situation. And then she's hanging up the phone, wondering what will happen now. Wondering what he will do. And suddenly, she knows what she's going to do.

Suddenly, she knows that nothing in her life will ever be the same again. She's willing to do it for him. For the man that used to be hers, the man that used to be David. She knows she's dooming herself. Dooming herself to a life on the run, a life like his. Only, she knows she won't be as successful as he's managed to be. But she's still willing to risk it. All for him. And she finds herself speaking again. Offering her car, her knowledge, her help. Waiting with baited breath while he decides whether he wants it or not.

She's happy when he does. Because no, this isn't her David – she has to remind herself that he's still Marie's Jason, because he looks so much the same – but maybe he's closer to being that man than either of them think. And right now, that's enough for her. Because she loves him, she always has, and she always will.


	2. Chapter 2

**My take of another scene with Nicky and Jason. Different, yet still a little similar. I've decided to go ahead and do maybe one or two more after this one. Hope you like, and tell me what you think! Thanks to those who reviewed for the first! All my love, _Dizzy_.**

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"It was hard for me...with you"

You're not ready for it, neither am I. But I find that it's extremely hard to lie to you, so mostly I just keep quiet. It's better this way. Your eyes search mine, looking for what, I don't know.

Do you know why it was hard for me? Do you remember anything at all? I knew you when you were David, and then I met you as Jason Bourne. David was mine, mine to keep forever. David loved me. You, Jason, can't remember me. And maybe it's better that way. I was David's lover; companion; friend. I was Jason's psychologist.

"You really don't remember anything?" Anything at all? I would give anything just to hear you say my name the way you used to.

"No." Your words crush me. You aren't ready to remember yet, haven't been given that extra push by your own brain that you need. Maybe you'll never remember. Either way, it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. Or it shouldn't. Because, as I have to tell myself again and again, you are not David. Not mine. You are Jason, and I am not Marie.


	3. Chapter 3

**So, here is another little drabble, based on the scene in which Jason kicks Desh's ass WITH A BOOK! Man, I love that part! Anyway, let me know what you think (good or bad). Thanks to my lovely reviewers, for, um, reviewing. _Dizzy_.**

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She's not quite sure what to do with herself. How do you respond when a man is killed, violently, in front of your very eyes? She doesn't know. It's the first time she's actually seen him do what he does, and she is more than a little shocked. But even after she's seen this brutality and violence come out of Jason (not David, never David) she isn't repulsed. Isn't frightened for her own safety. Because this man that Jason just killed – he killed him for her. He could have slipped away while Desh was on her trail and never been seen again. It would've been easy.

But he didn't. He came after her, saved her – even though he knew she had no more information to give him, even though he knew she was no longer 'useful'. And it only takes seconds for her to think this and realize this – only takes seconds for new hope to bloom in her heart.

And then he's speaking to her, and even though she can detect no visible sign of uncomfort, it is there. She can feel it. He's brisk and thinking logically, but she can still tell that he doesn't like the fact that she watched him kill a man. Doesn't like the fact that she's seen, once again, this destructively aggressive side of him. And that too, gives her hope.

So she pulls herself together, refusing to dwell on the body in the bathroom, and does what he told her to do.


	4. Chapter 4

**Welcome and thanks for sticking around for the fourth installment! Special thanks to those who reviewed (many crowns await you in Heaven). Only those who have recieved reviews can know how happy it can make a person. Like, estatically happy, in my case. There is nothing better. Seriously. So thanks and thanks again, my wonderful reviewers! Washcloth scene, as I have labelled it. One of my favorites, simply because Jason doesn't really _talk_ to many people (like, only Marie), so when he _talks_ to Nicky... can I just say again how much I love this ship:) _Dizzy_.**

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She stares at herself in the mirror for a moment, letting the water run free over her hands and what she holds. A simple washcloth, soaking up the water. She glances at him in the mirror, can see him working things over and over again in his head. And she wishes she knew a better way to help. 

Turning the water off, she squeezes the excess water out of the washcloth. Looking at herself for another moment, she wonders how it came to this. She knows, logically, how she came to be here with him. Jason. But still, she wonders. She goes to him, offering the white washcloth for his bloody hands. She can not help but wonder if Marie tended his wounds; if he let her.

She can think of nothing to say. Can think of nothing to say to this man, to Jason. She knows how to offer comfort to David. But this is Jason, as she must continually remind herself. And soon, it doesn't matter, because he's talking. Telling her things that she knows he just needs to tell someone; anyone. Still, she doesn't know what to say. Instead, she reaches for his hand, holds it in her own. A gesture of comfort, a gesture of the past; of her past with David.

"They'll come for you." It is a statement. A fact. Not to be argued or negotiated. Fact. And she knows it, has known it from the moment she hung up that phone. But at the same, she knows it was worth it. He proves it was worth it with his words; his unspoken trust in sharing something personal. Times like these are the hardest for her, because she sees David in him, sees _her_ David in this man named Jason and it kills her. She goes back into the bathroom, her heart screaming.


	5. Chapter 5

**Back again! Thanks to those that reviewed last time! Bus scene, in which Nicky and Jason part ways. So sad. Different yet again... Anyway, let me know what you guys think. Almost at the end! Lots-o-love, _Dizzy_.**

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There isn't really that much to say. Nothing that could, or should, be said anyhow. Honestly, how do you tell the man you love that you don't want to leave him? That you'd rather stay with him, that you could handle it? You don't. Plain and simple. And it's not like he's still yours to stay with anyway. 

So instead, you look at him, waiting and hoping and still expecting nothing. To him, to Jason, you're just a woman who used to work for the enemy. And you think to yourself, that's all you'll ever be to him.

You can't take it anymore, turning from him and walking away. If you just get on the bus, everything will be okay. It's what you tell yourself, because it's what you _have_ to tell yourself. Otherwise, you're not sure if you could hold your silence. And he doesn't need any more complications at this point. So you'll just get on that bus, and ride out of his life. But then –

You hear his voice. Telling you that it gets easier. You don't say anything back. You can't. Your throat is suddenly full of tears and words and God, he knows _just_ how to tear you up inside. And what's worse is that you know he only said it out of care, out of consideration, out of comfort. Hoping that it'll make you feel better. He can't know that it only makes it that much worse. So you don't say anything back, and you get on that bus. You keep his face in your eyes for as long as you dare, and when you look back, he's gone. As you sit down, a single tear escapes your eye, because you know from experience. It _never_ gets easier; every time you say goodbye to him, it only gets harder.


	6. Chapter 6

**So, this is The End. Hope I don't disappoint too much. I wanted it to be finished, and I'm glad it is, since I'm leaving today. Cafe scene, where Nicky hears that Jason is still alive. Not much more to explain. I left the ending kind of open. Thank you, thank you, thank you! to those that have reviewed and those that will review. I love you guys and I'm glad you like my story of one-shots. Look for me in a couple of months! _Dizzy_.**

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The cafe was small and not terribly crowded. It was the second time she'd been to it, and she knew she'd have to avoid it from now on. She didn't want people finding her just yet. So she sat her the small table and sipped her coffee and read her book. It wasn't terribly exciting, but she'd had enough excitement to last for a while. And because it wasn't totally engrossing, it was easy to occasionally take stock of the world around her, easy to keep and eye on things and an ear listening.

And then she heard something she'd never thought she would. They were talking about BLACKBRIAR. On the news. The people around her could not fathom how amazing this was, could not understand. They were simply watching the news, only vaguely wondering about it, no doubt soon to be forgotten in most cases. They didn't care about a man named David Webb. They didn't care about everything that BLACKBRIAR had done to countless men over the years. But she cared. God, how desperately she cared!

She felt a moment of panic. He'd been shot. Fell into the river. How could anyone survive that fall? But then, they hadn't found his body. She suddenly wanted to laugh. Jason had survived. It'd been three days and they hadn't found his body. She knew they never would. She smirked to herself. The people around her could not fathom how amazing he was, this man with two names. She looked down at her book for a moment, place forgotten. Closing it, she stood with the book in one hand and her coffee in another.

Feeling better about leaving now, she decided to go to her small hotel room and pack her meager belongings. Maybe she'd head south for a while. Wondering if Jason was still in New York, she tucked her book into her bag and prepared to go open the door. She stopped for a moment. Of course he wouldn't be in New York. He'd want to leave as soon as possible. It probably wasn't smart for her to stay for as long as she had, but she hadn't been able to leave before now. Not before she'd known he was okay. Jiggling the knob like she'd learned you had to do, she stepped inside and automatically tossed her purse on the table. She turned to make sure the door was closed and stood there a moment, feeling something shift.

Her heart stopped. It wasn't. It couldn't be. She calmed herself and slowly turned, leaning against the door. Her breath caught. She couldn't help it. Because there, in front of her, calmly sitting on her bed, was Jason. David. She didn't know. He smiles that half-smile that he has, the one she's never seen on Jason, and her heart stops again. It fades from his face, but it was there, and she knows it. She also knows that this isn't her David. He'll never be that man again. But this isn't Jason either. He'll never be that man again. He smiles again, that lovely half-smile that made her fall in love with him in the first place.

She takes a deep breath. He's not David, and he's not Jason, and she finds herself wanting to know this man. She half-smiles back this time, hoping yet afraid to hope. His smile grows wider, and she knows it'll be okay.


End file.
